Random post is random.

Seriously, I seem to be going days without posting lately! Since I don’t have anything new that I can feasibly share right now, I thought I’d tell a little story, inspired by a friend who asked a really weird question:

You wake up in a bathtub (one of those old school ones, in the middle of a room with claw feet), and you have NO idea where you are. There is no door, only a window in the center of a domed ceiling. You look around and see: standard furniture (a bed, a steamer trunk, a desk) a goat, a box of paperclips, 3 ducks, a rabbit costume, and a silky dressing gown. What do you do?!

Well, here’s what I’d do!

I’m going to assume that I have all my internal organs, seeing as there wasn’t anything to lead me to believe the contrary. Obviously, I’d take the furniture and rifle through it for something more… appropriate than the clothing options I already have. Seeing nothing but masquerade accessories and thinking this could only get more saucy, I’d shrug and put on the dressing gown and a mask for good measure. The furniture would be rearranged to be more in the center of the room, much like a staircase.

Despite there being no doors, I’d still feel like someone was watching me, so I’d have the ducks keep on the lookout, checking around for hidden cameras or creases in the wall that could lead to doorways. I don’t think they’d find anything, but at least it’d keep ‘em out of the way while…

… I’d dress up the goat. After all, when I go climbing him to reach the window on the domed ceiling, I wouldn’t want my feet or the gorgeous dressing gown to get soiled by his… goatness! Plus, who doesn’t want to see a goat in a bunny outfit. He may bray in opposition, but trust me when I say he’d be a very handsome bunny-goat.

I’d lead the goat up the stairway created by the furniture, and he’d be just feet under the escape window in the domed ceiling. “Perfect!” I’d then climb it myself to join the bunny-goat.

On my climb up, I’d notice that one of the ducks would get a little unruly, very likely anxious from being in such a confined area for so long. So I’d make a chain out of the paperclips (fortunately, they were on top of the dresser, so I didn’t have to climb back down to get them), testing their weight on occasion and being sure that they can hold some resistance. Once it’s long enough, I’d grab a scarf I’d seen in one of the drawers, and make kind of a sling out of it. I’d toss that over my shoulder.

The window would open easily, revealing a starry sky and a fresh breeze. I’d get goosebumps because holy shit it’d be chilly and I’m wearing a DRESSING GOWN. My feet would climb on the bunny-goat’s back, and I’d hear more protesting brays plus a very confusing chomping noise, as if he was imitating the Cadbury bunny. I’d think he was filling his new role nicely.

My fingertips would reach and I’d be able to pull myself up and out. Thank heavens for all those pull-ups! The roof, domed on the outside, would create a bit of a challenge as I’d hoist the sling off my shoulder and down back into the confusing bathroom. The ducks, smart as they are (I mean, they were my watch-ducks!) would get the hint and, one by one, crawl into the sling for me to pull them to safety.

The last duck, though, would encounter some problems: As I’d pull him up, some of the paperclips would slowly come apart, and he’d be hanging by a mere thread. I’d pull slowly, careful not to disturb the paperclips any more than necessary, then full-on panic as the paperclip nearly unraveled entirely! I mean, this was the anxious duck, so he’d be writhing around as he’d realize something was Very Wrong.

ENTER BUNNY-GOAT. Seeing my panic, he’d snatch the sling by the scarf into his mouth, saving the duck from a dresser-high fall and holding onto him for dear life. I’d lie down on the roof for stability and reach my hands into the room, and the bunny-goat would leap into my arms.

With all my strength, I’d hoist up bunny-goat, still clinging onto the scarf with my final watch-duck, onto the roof and into the fresh night air. We’d be free! Finally free! And finally I’d have a chance to look around.

… “Oh, hi, lalanav. So erm… this is your backyard and your torturous claw-footed bathroom bunker, huh?!”