Honeymoon stories.

There are a couple stories from our honeymoon that I’ve been wanting to share for a while. They’re hilarious and only slightly irritating now, and they were pretty annoying then, but they didn’t make anything awful at all. In fact, they’re fun memories now!

The first and probably more prominent in my mind is when Matt did his back in. It was the first or second morning we were there, and he woke me up around 5am saying he was going to the gym. (Crazy nut, but whatever, lol.) About an hour later, he came back to the room, complaining of pain in his back. I was awake by then, and I chastised him for working out so early and probably with so few of his faculties, as he told me what he did: Tried to bring down a barbell with about 50lbs worth of weight still on it, from shoulder height and, I’m sure, putting his back into it.

Then I stopped chastising when, after breakfast, he hadn’t improved… and when he took off his shirt, his hips were literally inches off the center of his spine. A la:

It really was that bad; we were both pretty terrified.

He was in so much pain that he decided to email his chiropractor to see if he could suggest anything, then he asked me to look up anything that could straighten him back out. Not at all to my surprise, I found quite a few yoga poses that would really help (and that I’ve done before, so I knew the benefits), to which he was actually receptive. Like I said, he was in a lot of pain; he typically would scoff at that, but he was willing to do anything.

Any poses from Table were pretty much… well, off the table, as he was in too much pain to have his back unsupported like that. Not that your back should EVER be unsupported — your abs help you stay up and your back stay straight — but he didn’t want to do it. He also didn’t want to sit, so that ruled out a few other poses. So my only option was something from lying down, which weren’t on any sites that I read, so I had to use my own brain. Oy vey.

Fortunately, it didn’t take long to think of a spinal twist you can do while lying down, so I got him ready for that. Beforehand, I showed him how to do it — he’s a visual learner and doesn’t take verbal direction well (at least, not mine, lol) — then had him do it. The floor was tile, so we had him on the bed, which was fortunately hard. He went to the right first and stayed there for a while, just letting the muscles relax and go back to where they were. I’d say he was there for about 5 minutes before he was ready to go to the other side. Since the kink was on the right side, I had him stay to the left for twice as long, as the stretch works the opposite side on which the knees are placed, and we needed his right side more relaxed, if that makes sense.

Anyway, so he was there for about 10 minutes, then went to a few minutes on each side to just loosen up. In total, between that and rubbing out his muscles while in the position, we spent about an hour getting him straight again. And wouldn’t'cha know it, he stood up after all that… and he was easily inches better. He has scoliosis in the first place, which the chiropractor (who is also a yoga instructor, hee!) is trying to work on, so he’s typically about an inch off… and he was back to that “normal” after the stretches.

The best part? He checked his email a while later, and the chiropractor (who knows that I practice yoga) said something about a few poses that are good for loosening the C3 and C4 vertebrae… and they were ones that I wanted to do if he was good enough for Table, then said, “Stephanie can help you out with them.” So yay! Take that, Matt; yoga is good for you, and here’s a doctor saying so! He emailed back and told him what we did in lieu of the poses he mentioned (Cat and Cow were two that he brought up, as well as some seated twists), and he was pretty complimentary!

Oh, and this same chiro wants to get Matt in regular yoga classes after he’s straightened him enough to do so, as he really needs his back muscles to be stronger around his spine. So nyah-nyah again, Matt! LOL

The second involves allergies on both Matt’s and my sides.
Matt’s not officially allergic to shellfish, though he’s definitely predisposed, as both his Nana and uncle are deathly allergic to the stuff. And y’all know about my tree nut allergies.

Jamaica is wonderful for one thing but kinda “eh” for another: Their vegetarian selections are absolutely delicious and plentiful, but almost all their desserts are made with nuts. Needless to say, I had very few desserts that week. Matt was able to eat most everything, including some snook, which is illegal in the US, and the dessert, which I was fiercely jealous about, NGL!

On one occasion, they had a seafood fest of sorts, and that included lobster. Of course, I don’t eat seafood anymore (though I was a bad vegetarian and DID try some snook… which is REALLY good, by the way), but Matt helped himself to just about everything there! … including two lobster tails. Later that evening, he mentioned feeling itchy and nauseous, both of which are symptoms when I have food allergies… so I practically had to force-feed him some Allertec — store-brand Zyrtec, which isn’t an antihistamine, but IS an allergy medication. After a while, he started to feel better, but we took it easy the rest of the evening.

Long story short, he won’t be touching lobster tail anymore, and we’re going to be hard pressed to have him eat any shellfish from here on out. It’s just too risky, especially considering Matt’s family history of anaphylaxis.

Speaking of anaphylaxis, here’s my story. I mentioned before that I was avoiding the desserts like crazy, only having something after Matt, my taste-tester, says that it’s okay, which was rarely. Anyway, I was doing a great job with that, and I was feeling great before heading to the spa. Oh yeah, did I mention we had couples’ massages, as we were newlyweds? Yes, we did. And yes, they were AMAZING. So we went through our massages and left feeling wonderful.

Matt really wanted to go to the jacuzzi afterward, so I agreed, and we went straight over. While we were there, we met up with a few couples, which was pretty cool, and chatted it up. We were in the middle of discussing politics, healthcare, social issues, and how fucked up Florida is with some Canadians (LOL) when I started to feel itchy. Not on my skin, but in my throat, on my tongue, and all over my face. I also started to get stomach pains, and I was getting nauseous. It was gradual at first, but grew stronger as we sat in the hot water.

Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I told Matt I was going upstairs, then told the Canadian couple that it was a pleasure to meet them. Matt said he’d be up soon, and I took my stuff and went to our room. About 20 minutes later, Matt came back up, and I had already taken a hot shower and was trying to drink some water, to no avail. My throat was closing up, there was mucus building in my throat, and eventually, I realized… I’m having a full-blown allergy attack.

In Jamaica.

With no antihistamines.

And no Epi-Pens.

I was trying not to panic, but when Matt came in, I could hardly talk. He mentioned the gift shop having some Benadryl, and I asked him to run down and get some. At this point, my body was literally trembling from the reaction, and I spilled some water on myself trying to get it to my lips. Matt was back in 10 minutes with the Benadryl, which I gratefully took, and I fell asleep to Spongebob about 20 minutes later while the drugs kicked in.

I woke up a couple hours later — about 7pm — feeling better. Not great, but better. Matt and I had dinner reservations at 7:30pm, so I got up and changed, fortunate to see that my throat was opened and the mucus had thinned. I was still trembling a little, and my throat was really itchy, but I felt a lot better. We went to dinner, where I managed to eat about half of what was put in front of me, and we fell asleep really early that night — probably 9pm or so.

The next day, we were thinking about what could have caused that, as I had been avoiding nuts that entire week. Then it hit us…

“Oh my god, Matt, I didn’t even think to ask what kind of oil that was!”

For all we know, it could have been almond oil! Considering my symptoms were gone by then (thank GOD), we didn’t fret or ask the spa, but it’s a good lesson for the future: Always check what kind of oil they’re using. We also figured the reaction was so great because it wasn’t something I had ingested, but rather, it was absorbed right into my skin and was accelerated by the jacuzzi. It was terrifying, but Matt was so good to me, and it ended up only taking a few hours out of the day.

So… there are our stories. Dude, we’re pretty effed up sometimes…!

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