My 37.5-week midwife appointment was this past Monday, and we were reassured that everything is looking great! I passed my GBS test, which just THRILLED me — I admit I was freaking out about it all last week, as being GBS-positive would require either an IV or hep lock during labor for the administration of antibiotics, and since part of my intention for going to a birth center instead of a hospital is to avoid needles, I was NOT going to be happy if I ended up positive. So that was some great news.

Blood pressure was fine at 120/78, Kit is head-down and engaged (holy cow, is he riding low!), no current risk of pre-eclampsia, and everyone otherwise looks good!

While palpating my stomach, my midwife mentioned that Kit doesn’t have a lot of room left in there to grow. Seriously, this kid’s foot and butt are in my ribs all day long; he definitely doesn’t have much room left! I had mentioned before we started that part of the exam that I was having pretty regular contractions for the past couple weeks — not all the time, but when I do get them, they can be timed, are of a decent time, and are pretty strong — so between that and the lack of space, she’s guessing I probably won’t have too long before I go. She certainly doesn’t think I’ll make it to 41 weeks, as most first-time moms do; in fact, she said that I should start packing (or finishing the packing of) my birth center bag as soon as possible. She’s guessing I’ll go between 38 and 39 weeks, all things considered.

… remember, I hit 38 tomorrow. o_O

Matt and I are excited to get this show on the road, and while I was certainly expecting to go a bit before my due date, I wasn’t expecting to hear that from a midwife! We kind of went into anxious-excited-panic mode, planning out the bag and running to the grocery store to get some snacks for labor. (In fact, I’ll have to do a “what’s in my birth bag?” post at some point soon!) Fortunately, aside from that, there’s nothing much more to do: Kit’s nursery is done, we have everything set up, he has enough clothes to get him through, and we’re all set with disposable diapers for his first few days of meconium. Still need to wash the cloth diapers, but we have some time… right?

I pulled a Tarot card this morning out of sheer curiosity, asking if I could get a minor card that would show me how many days until I go into labor (not give birth, but actually start the labor process). I ended up pulling:

Llewellyn Tarot:
Seven of Swords

Working strictly from a numbers POV (as the card itself holds its own meanings…), and ignoring the fact that Swords often mean weeks (because, seriously, seven WEEKS?!), I’m likely looking at seven days from today, or 17 April, to begin labor. As an Air card, it typically means that things will move pretty fast. Not as fast as Wands (Fire), but definitely up there! Here’s to hoping that they signal a fast labor.

(If you haven’t yet, I’d love if you would come join my Mother Blessing through Facebook! Everyone is invited. I’ll likely post something there when I go into labor, as I don’t think I’ll have the time to write out a post for it until later… so, yanno, keep an eye out in the next seven days. LOL)

But before we went, we took a stroll down near the Tidal Basin in the hopes of catching cherry blossoms! Unfortunately, it was too cold for that many blooms, but we did find one tree that really wanted to bloom (it had half its flowers, the rest were buds) and another with all white flowers. So we took our camera and its new lens, and I went to town!

Ooh, and just WAIT until I get the chance to upload all the amazing maternity photos from my amazing friend, Brooke!

I’ve been given the wonderful idea of having a sort of Mother Blessing before I go into labor with Kit, and I’d love it if you would participate! I’d like a way to keep all of you in my thoughts while going through labor and birth, and what better way than to have a Mother Blessing.

A Mother Blessing (or Blessingway) is an old Navajo ceremony that celebrates a woman’s rite of passage into motherhood. Unlike a traditional baby shower, a Mother Blessing is about nurturing the mama-to-be and celebrating motherhood. Considering this, I’m fortunate to have so many mother friends already who are so happy to have me join them!! The Mother Blessing focuses on the mom, and a woman who is given lots of love has more love to give in return.

Since a lot of you are long-distance, I don’t want to ask for too much! If you’re open to sharing, I ask that you share your birth experiences with me here on this page (or by email, if you’re more comfortable with that, at stephanie.ak.fox@me.com) so I may read them while in early labor.

If you’re into poetry, storytelling, prayer, or other forms of the written word, I’d love if you would share a blessing through one of these. I hope to collect some and, like the birth stories, add them to a book, journal, or scrapbook to bring to labor as well. I can have Matt or my doula read some of them.

And finally, I’d love to have you all there with me in some shape or form! If you would like, I’d love it if you could select and send me a bead to string onto a cord and wear during labor. (I’ll pick the cord, no worries there.) It’s so amazing to know I’m already surrounded by so much love and support, and I would love to have a physical reminder of your presence. I’ve added my address to this event in case you’re able to do this.

If you can do any of these, I would appreciate it forever! Even knowing that you’ve accepted an invite to this “event” makes my heart grow with love.

Thank you all!! I look forward to letting you know when Kit and I make the journey through labor and birth, and I know y’all will be in it, too!

I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately, from Facebook friends and friends here at work and everyone in between, about what is going on in the Supreme Court today and tomorrow. So I thought I’d take the time to explain a bit of what’s going on, from a brief history of each to the way in which the Supreme Court rulings for each will have an impact on our country.

(NOTE: I am NOT a Constitutional law attorney, professor, or anything else of the sort. I do not purport to be an expert on this topic; in fact, I can revert to at least two other people who have much more authority. I just happen to be very involved and interested in it, especially as it pertains to LGBT rights, so I’ve been following these for a while. )

(Another NOTE: I come at this from a pro-same-sex marriage standpoint, so expect that in my analysis of each. You’ve been warned (or are now delighted)!)

Proposition 8 (California)

History: In November 2008, Proposition 8 passed the California ballot proposition and became a state constitutional amendment that provides, in Section 7.5 of the Declaration of Rights, that “only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California. This overturned the state Supreme Court’s ruling of In re Marriage Cases that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry, but it did not affect domestic partnerships in California or any marriages performed before 5 November 2008.

Numerous lawsuits challenging the validity of Prop 8 were filed as a result, and Strauss v. Horton in the California Supreme Court both upheld Prop 8 and allowed existing same-sex marriages to stand under the grandfather clause principal. Prop 8 was then overturned on 4 August 2010 in Perry v. Schwarzenegger (I can never spell his damn name right on the first try), ruling that it violated both due process and equal protection clauses of the US Constitution. As a result, an injunction — a court order that requires a party to do or refrain from doing specific acts — was filed against enforcing Prop 8 and a stay to determine suspension of his ruling pending appeal. Finally, the decision was affirmed, and Prop 8 was deemed unconstitutional.

As you might figure, though, it wasn’t over then. The panel continued their stay, barring any marriages from taking place pending further appeals, and this stay remained in effect through and beyond the filing of a petition for certiorari (a writ seeking judicial review) in the US Supreme Court on 30 July 2012. It was granted on 7 December 2012, and the issue is to be ruled by late June 2013 as Hollingsworth v. Perry.

Craziness, right?! All for a little marriage equality.

Today’s Oral Arguments can be found here. They will also be replayed, I believe, at 8pm EDT at C-SPAN.

Why Today Is Important: From a pro-same-sex marriage stance, the overturning of Prop 8 by the US Supreme Court could have very lasting effects on the state of California. It would obviously remove the stay that is currently in place, would continue to recognize all marriages prior to the ballot proposition, and would allow (and even require) same-sex marriages from the point of decision onward.

The ruling would only have any real effect on California, though, just like the laws of other individual states have real effect only on that state. It COULD, and probably would, set the precedent for other states to challenge the constitutionality of same-sex marriage bans in their states, but only if it’s actually brought to court — and I can totally see a lot of blocking that kind of case from going to court.

Still, it’s a rather historic event that could shape the direction in which this nation is going.

Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA (federal)

History: Enacted 21 September 1996, DOMA is a federal law that defines marriage as the legal union of one man and one woman, and the word “spouse” as a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife, for federal and interstate recognition purposes in the US. It was signed into law by President Bill Clinton after it passed both houses of Congress by large majorities. By law, no US state or political subdivision (think Washington, D.C.) is required to recognize a same-sex marriage from another state, so a homosexual couple legally married in Maryland would not be recognized as a legally married couple in, say, Texas. It also codifies the non-recognition of federal benefits and purposes for those couples, including but not limited to insurance benefits for government employees, Social Security survivors’ benefits, the filing of joint tax returns, and immigration.

Since its implementation, Clinton and other key legislators, including our current president Barack Obama, changed their views and advocated for DOMA’s repeal, with the current administration going as far as to say a certain section was unconstitutional and it would no longer be defended in court (though it would still enforce DOMA as law). So of course, the Republican leadership in the House of Representatives instructed the House General Counsel to defend the law in place of the DOJ.

Tomorrow’s Oral Arguments can be found at the same C-SPAN link. I’ll post a link to the recording afterward.

Why Tomorrow Is Important: Now THIS is the one, as same-sex marriage advocates, we’re looking forward to. It could make or break the entire game, depending on how it’s interpreted by the Supreme Court if it is in fact overturned. While a decision to reverse DOMA wouldn’t necessarily mean same-sex marriage would and should be federally recognized (as the Supreme Court doesn’t create laws), the language in its decision could have very real consequences that can sweep across the nation.

Currently, DOMA says that one state does not have to recognize the laws regarding marriage in another state, while federally denying any rights to same-sex couples. It basically allows states to be autonomous. By saying it should be upheld, those would continue to be true.

However, if it is reversed (and dependent on the language in such a reversal), someone legally married in MD would have to be recognized as legally married in FL, whether they like it or not. THAT is how we get same-sex marriage legalized throughout the country, by forcing other states to accept BOTH those who are already married and, by proxy, allow others within those states to cede and allow same-sex marriage. It could also have an effect on how those same-sex couples are treated in the eyes of federal law, and let’s face it: If they have rights there, it’ll snowball into recognition into every state.

To Close…

Just so all y’all know, the attorney arguing in opposition of Proposition 8 is Theodore Olson, former Solicitor General of the United States as nominated by George W. Bush and former United States Assistant Attorney General under Ronald Reagan, including during the Iran-Contra affair’s investigation phase.

Olson is a registered Republican, a supporter of Bush and an outspoken critic of Clinton. He was considered a potential nominee for the Supreme Court and a potential nominee as a Third Circuit Court of Appeals Judge, neither of which resulted in his official nomination. He was also considered for the post of Attorney General in September 2007, but his nomination was so vehemently opposed by Democrats that Bush instead nominated Michael Mukasey.

Why do I bring all of this up? Because this DECIDEDLY CONSERVATIVE attorney is arguing IN OPPOSITION of a proposition that denies a certain class of Americans a right that should be afforded to everyone. He puts his Constitutional knowledge by arguing for the PEOPLE and for THEIR RIGHTS before any personal convictions he may have.

So to those who vehemently oppose same-sex marriage for their religious, political, or other beliefs and nothing more, consider who is arguing AGAINST your viewpoints, and consider putting your own bigotry and homophobia aside for the greater good and the Constitutional rights of ALL Americans, including our LGBT family, friends, and colleagues.

It is seriously hitting me hard, this idea that I’m so close to the end and, before we know it, there will be a tiny, squirmy, completely dependent little human in our home and family.

I… just… didn’t I get pregnant just yesterday?!

It’s amazing how this whole journey has been. I’ve been ambivalent, over the moon, moody, even depressed, quietly happy, and right now, I’d call myself hormonally giddy. And terrified.

Not just of the birth process, about which I’m actually both giddy and terrified (I never thought I’d be the former). That’s a few-days process at most that reaps great reward at the end, so I’m not terribly worried about that. But motherhood, raising a child, discipline, making sure I do everything “right”? Basically, everything after the fact? Scary stuff right there! I’m afraid that I might screw up this child we’re creating and will mold as he grows older.

Part of it is probably because of the Steubenville rape that happened late last year and was tried just recently. I won’t even comment on the story itself (because really, I don’t need my blood pressure to go through the roof), but the story really hit home when I thought to myself, if my son ever did anything like that…

And it hit me. It’s not the birth or even the baby years I’m worried about. I’m worried that, despite my best efforts, it won’t be enough and my son will end up doing something so abhorrent that I’d wonder where on earth it came from. I’m worried that something I or Matt do down the road might turn him down a terrible path. I’m worried that society may have more of an impact on his moral character and his empathy than either of his parents will.

All those possibilities terrify me, and I’m sure they’ve terrified any other parent-to-be who thought about anything similar at any point. I know there’s only so much you can do, and sometimes it is nature instead of nurture that’ll mold a person. After all, just look at siblings: Despite my parents raising us more or less the same, my sister, brother, and I are three completely different people. Some parts for the better, some parts for worse, but different people nonetheless.

No matter what we do, our son (and any other children) will be a product of both his social and home environments. I just hope that we do the best we can to make that home environment the one by which he’s most influenced, and that he never turns out to be anything close to the Steubenville rapists or any other repulsive people we have in this world.

A 35-week photo, just because.

Bah.

Anyway, I obviously didn’t plan this year very well, either, and I notice that’s kind of a trend when it comes to Pagan sabbats and even Jewish holidays. Matt’s really no help, either, as he tends to forget when his own holidays fall. I’m hoping that, when Kit joins us, we’ll both be a little better at remembering.

I’ve actually been thinking a lot lately about our currently-small interfaith family and how it will be after Kit is born, especially since that seems to be a big topic of interest once people learn that Matt and I are of different faiths and religious backgrounds. Sometimes people are actually quite surprised to learn that we’re not only not-Christian, but we’re nowhere even close to the same religion!

I know y’all aren’t surprised by that, though.

Ostara is the perfect time to reflect on this, as Matt and I have, in some ways, found balance in our lives in respecting and celebrating each other’s faiths. The Spring Equinox is the time for finding balance once again after a very dark period, and starting a month or so from now, we get to find that balance again as we try to integrate Kit into our daily and spiritual lives, a balancing act that won’t happen overnight.

We’re fortunate that our moral codes are, for the most part, a result of secular rather than religious reasons*, and we plan on instilling those same values into Kit as he grows up. They’re pretty simple and spread across both our religions and those of others, anyway, so I don’t feel that morality is going to be an issue. However, I do feel that being interfaith family will go beyond mere morality by also teaching him – and us! – about accepting others for who they are and what they believe.

*I could go on and on about how religion isn’t the only path to moral decency, but that may be fodder for another post!

I believe that being an interfaith family is actually going to work to our benefit, as there needs to be an inherent level of respect, communication, and love between each spouse to make the relationship work, and those traits will indubitably leave a mark on their children, whether intended or not. Not that these doesn’t exist between spouses of the same religion, but growing up in a household where both parents were the same faith meant that differences in theology or morality, if any, didn’t have to be discussed as often, if at all. Our practices and moral code were just “how they were”, and I just assumed that that’s how everyone did it until I started exploring another faith for myself.

Kit is probably going to end up learning an awful lot as he grows up with Judaism and Paganism, too, with a bit of Catholicism for good measure. I know that, when I started my Pagan journey over half my life ago, I was surprised to find out that many of the customs I celebrated with my Catholic family were derivatives of a belief system (or several) that existed thousands of years before Christianity ever came to be. It’s with that knowledge that I now feel an even deeper sense of belonging when I celebrate holidays with my family, as I can see how my own customs as a neo-Pagan and those of Pagans in ancient cultures can align almost seamlessly with Catholic or Christian ones.

Judaism and Paganism are a little more difficult to amalgamate in that, unlike Christianity, Judaism did not necessarily adopt many Pagan beliefs or customs into its own practices, but strove instead to create a faith all its own (though it did take Jews a while to become truly monotheistic!). While Christianity is more adding a twist to a combination of Jewish and Pagan rites and practices, Judaism and Paganism instead stand pretty separate, as they have for thousands of years.

Fortunately, seeing it that way – that Mommy and Daddy both have their own religions, and the histories of both of those had separate but very real influences on the majority religion of their country – may actually help Kit see bits of his own interfaith upbringing in the practices and traditions of his friends who follow mainstream Christianity.

In short, Kit will be raised with our two direct religions as focal points, and the others will be in the background, though they’ll be of no less importance. In addition to family events and local ones through groups in which we’re involved (Central Maryland Pagans, I’m looking at you!), we’ve decided to also visit a local Unitarian congregation to celebrate with other families, both interfaith and otherwise, and to hopefully all get some more exposure to what else is out there.

It’s definitely going to be an interesting ride, and I’m sure that, for all the times we try to impart some wisdom and knowledge on him, he’s going to end up doing the same for us, possibly in even more poignant ways than we can imagine.

One thing we ended up making was a mini version of my chocolate stout cupcakes, which I introduced to TCC two St. Paddy’s Days ago. Since I finally had the equipment to make my own whipped cream, I decided instead to make a boozy whipped frosting that paired perfectly with the airy cupcakes. I will NEVER go back to store-bought whipped cream again, by the way. Great flavor, not too sweet, and a bit of kick really rounded out the party food.

Makes you wanna lick the screen, doesn’t it?

This recipe makes about 70 mini cupcakes.

Ingredients

Cupcakes
* 1 cup stout (I used regular ol’ Guinness this time)
* 1 cup unsalted butter
* 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
* 2 large eggs
* 2/3 cup sour cream
* 2 cups all purpose flour
* 2 cups sugar
* 1 1/2 tsp baking soda
* 1/2 tsp salt

Frosting
* 1 small container (16 oz.) heavy whipping cream, COLD*
* 1 cup confectioners sugar
* about 3-4 shots (or more…) of Fennelly’s Irish Cream
* green food coloring, if desired
* 1 large metal bowl and 1 large metal whisk, both COLD*

*For these, stick them in the freezer for 10-15 minutes beforehand.

Method

Cupcakes

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and line your cupcake pan.

2. Bring your beer and butter to a slight simmer in a heavy saucepan. Whisk in cocoa powder until smooth and set aside to cool slightly.

3. Mix your eggs and sour cream together in a large bowl. In a slightly smaller bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt.

4. Add chocolate-butter-beer mixture to egg mixture in small increments, beating until combined. Not too fast, or you may cook the egg. Add the flour mixture in several additions and blend in slowly. Finish combining ingredients with a rubber spatula. You’ll notice the batter bubbling up a bit. Allow the batter to sit for about 10 minutes.

5. Fill your cupcake liners 2/3 of the way full and bake for 18 minutes, or until a wooden toothpick through the center comes out clean. Cool cupcakes completely on a wire rack.

Frosting

1. Remember, your bowl, whisk, and whipping cream must all be VERY cold before starting. Add the whipping cream to the bowl, and start whisking! It takes about 2 minutes for the cream to start turning into the whipped cream you’re looking for.

2. While whisking, slowly add in the confectioner’s sugar in small increments until all is incorporated. Continue to whisk until the desired consistency is reached — it should be pretty stiff. Add more confectioner’s sugar if it needs more sweetness.

3. Add the Irish cream and whisk to combine. Want more kick? Add more liquor!

4. For green frosting, add 4-5 drops of green food coloring, and continue adding until the desired green is reached. Mine was light green at 4-5 drops.

5. Add icing into a piping bag with a decorating tip, and go to town! A little dollop goes a long way, but I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted more. Or… if you used it sparingly so you could eat the rest out of the bowl… no judgment here at all.

Need help with the whisking part? Check out this video:

Since he’s dropped a bit, I noticed recently that I can do something that amuses me so much, I thought I’d share it with y’all, too. You’re welcome.

(A friend just pointed out — lovingly, I’m sure — that I have a pregnancy badonk.)

This is my normal belly. He even feels a bit lower, haha. Lookit how big he’s getting!

And now… SUCK IT IN LADIES:

It still makes me giggle to see that picture. Matt says it’s disturbing.

OH, and I think I scared awesome attorney-boss today by asking, during a conversation about his daughter spitting or pulling her pacifier out of her mouth, if there was such a thing as ball gags for babies with pacifiers on them. Apparently, that raises a few concerns as to my parenting philosophies. LOL

BUT I AM NOT CRAZY:

At least, *I’m* not crazy. The person who made this? May be borderline…

And they make them for adults, too!

…

This post is partially to make up for not having posted anything yet about the Sacred Space Conference.

Also for the lulz. Because it’s Friday and my brain is pretty much shot to hell.

Because it came up so quickly, I rushed to draft my itinerary so I knew where I was going, what I wanted to attend, and what to bring to each. Below is that itinerary, if you’re interested. I went for more cerebral presentations than rituals and the like, as those tend to appeal to me more.

I’m actually considering liveblogging from the event through my Twitter, @TheCoexistCafe, if you’re interested in following along. Obviously, I won’t be able to record everything that goes on as I’m sure there will be some “no cell phone” events (Lonely Coyote and Christian Stone’s Shamanic Healing Circle comes to mind), but I’ll try my best.

And if you’re going to the event yourself, be sure to swing by and say hi!! I’ll be the curly-haired, very pregnant chick. I’m sure I won’t be too hard to find. I look forward to meeting you if you do attend!!

It struck me even harder this week, more than any other, as Matt’s cousin Jess gave birth to their beautiful baby boy on Tuesday, 26 February. I went to visit the happy (if exhausted!) parents and their son Henry yesterday, and was overwhelmed almost to the point of numbness with the precious little baby in my arms.

Jess gave birth on her due date, a miraculous feat already! They just came home from the hospital yesterday, and I was happy to have a chance to visit all three of them. But it put things into perspective, too: As I held him, I had a very distinct flash forward to two months from now, when I’ll be holding another little baby in my arms…

My own son.

I still remember the day I found out we were pregnant. It’s like it was yesterday. I cried the night before, completely ignoring the fact that the Olympics were going on and instead succumbing to hormones as a shower washed the tears streaming down my face. I didn’t know why I was crying, I just knew I was frustrated and overwhelmed and ready to get the next cycle going so I could forget about yet another failed one.

Then the next morning came about, 10DPO, and I tested on a whim. Matt was traveling later that day and, in hindsight, I really should have waited at least until he left to test, but I figured it’d at least be too early to show anything. So I pulled out an internet cheapie, did what I had to do, and started up a shower.

Of course, I had to check the test before I hopped in the shower.

And of course, a positive! A very, very stark one at that.

I remember staring at the test, not believing it to be true. The excuses were flying through my head: It’s too early, we didn’t really “try” this cycle, it’s too dark to be real (yes, this was really a thought). And I remembered the shower was still running.

After turning off the faucet, I went to our bedside with the test, unable to really say or do anything but look at Matt with a stupid grin on my face. Matt, still feeling sleep drunk, roused and took a moment before saying, “… you’re kidding.”

I showed him the test, we cried, and I called in sick to work so we could take the day to celebrate. (Awesome attorney-boss, if you’re reading this… I’m sorry. ) We spent the day in a pregnancy-induced haze, talking once in a while but mostly being caught in our own reverie.

There have been a lot of ups and downs since then, like when I bled at 7 weeks and we panicked the entire way to the hospital to get an emergency ultrasound. But there has also been the support of family and friends, feeling Kit move for the first time, finding out his sex, being pressed for his name (sorry, y’all… still not getting it!), having a baby shower with so many generous people, and just the anticipation of what’s to come!

I’m seriously so excited for all this. While the timeframe I have left is daunting in its immediacy — realistically speaking, anywhere from four to 10 weeks — being able to hold Henry and realizing how far I’ve come already in this journey makes me feel more prepared than ever for Kit’s impending arrival.

I just hope he’s ready for us…